Sunday, December 16, 2012

16 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection

What was the greatest disappointment of the year and how did you let go? [Author: Lee]
It is hard to think of this year as disappointing. It was a remarkable year. Most of what might BE considered a disappointment is actually exactly and wondrously exquisite.

However, I think there is one thing that qualifies.

In February, after months of no response to my application to BE an artist with a local organisation that sends artists into schools and afterschool programs, I was asked to come in for an interview.

I was terrified. Thrilled. Dubious. Exuberant. I was a veritable “fart in a skillet” anticipating this door opening and welcoming me in.

Fortunately for me, I had this interview at the end of a week when I had been teaching the arts programs I DO here, so I had fresh footprints on my “teacherly” heart.

The morning came and I was on my way with time to spare.

And then…

The directions from Google took me someplace entirely NOT where I needed to BE. I was unable to sort it out so I stopped at a car dealership, the only place I could find where someone might BE able to help straighten me out.

They let me use the phone but the gentleman who answered was no help; in fact discouraging. I almost decided to just go home. Then I got simple directions from a guy at the dealership and arrived only about 20 minutes late.

The woman who met me at the door was so glad to see me, saying how sorry she was for the trouble I had finding them. It was weird, truly.

[Why is it we’re oblivious to the possibility of kindness, instead steeling ourselves for the chiding and dressing-down we expect?!]

About 8 minutes into the actual interview the interviewer and the woman who met me at the door were just beaming. 

They were thrilled with me. 

They loved my answers to how I would DO or handle or approach this, that, or the other situation or circumstance.

So, why the disappointment?!

Simple. As much as they liked me and as much as I wanted to DO this, a few weeks later I made the decision to sell my car to better manage my monthly expenses.

It was hard to make that decision with the possibility of work I loved and wanted to DO staring back at me incredulously.

BUT I DID. And then I took action. And within 2 weeks GraceLand was no more…


The thing is, it’s less a disappointment than an encouragement. Really.

BEcause I chose to Let Go, to Trust Life.

And I’ve NOT really been disappointed by it at all.

Only happy to remember their beaming faces and kind words. 

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