Sunday, February 23, 2014
Lately Life has been teaching me about the things called "chopping wood, carrying water."
I have had the extraordinary privilege of BEing able to live a quiet, ordinary, and really quite simple Life, one breath, one beat, one second at a time.
Even, mostly, no want-to's!!
This is all good.
What I have had ingrained over my lifetime is rather stubborn.
Like a stain from tea that just won't come out, no matter what trick I try.
And as a result, I have started to wonder if I am BEing lazy or even complacent.
BEcause, I've always thought Life is supposed to BE hard.
One problem solved and then another to take its place.
Reaching for a carrot that always moves just BEyond my grasp.
So, for me, this simple, quiet, and ordinary way of living Life seems suspect.
As I wrote that, I realised that I have changed.
At my core.
NO, all the things that have plagued me, all my regrets, and all of my sorrows have NOT magically been removed.
I am just okay with it.
After all, it's MY Life.
No one can live it any better [or worse] or even any different.
BEcause it is just made for ME.
I hear people [or mayBE I should say I read people] who speak eloquently about the problems in living Life in 2014, about those who are "hardest hit" by the circumstances of Life in 2014, and I know I should probably BE moved in a "better" way than to say I am enJOYing the moments of Life as it is for Currie in 2014, or just Right Now.
But I am saying that I quite like things as they are.
And as they are NOT.
NOT that I don't want Change.
NOT that I don't want Challenge.
And NOT that I don't imagine there will BE rougher seas on my horizon again.
It's just that I am happy Now.
And content to keep putting one foot in front of the other and BEing Present for each footfall.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Today is just an ordinary Sunday.
It's remarkable though...
BEcause on an ordinary Sunday my Life has been touched and my eyes open and my Spirit blessed, all by people who have no idea how much their choosing to share something matters to Me.
I am just one person.
I am just someone who subscribes to their blog or what have you.
I am no one they set out to deLIGHT or even to inform.
This is what I love about the Internet.
The way we are connected even as we all circle Life within our own little universes.
It is a funny thing, having a blog.
I never know who will read me.
I rarely care IF anyone reads me.
I used to feel different.
I used to care way too much.
And that, I see Now, is what got in the way of ordinary amazement.
What if every day I allow my amazement to run free?!
What if every little bit I read I enJOY just for itself and NOT for WHO wrote it or what that person or that whatever has accomplished that I see BEyond my own grasp?!
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Lots of years I have felt like one of those people standing 8-deep outside of a department store window watching a black-and-white television.
I mean, I have felt myself at that remove from BEing anyone's Valentine.
Felt on the outside looking in.
Even felt sorry for myself.
Here's the thing:
I don't NEED someone else to "want me" to BE theirs.
I don't NEED candy, flowers, or pretty cards to know I matter.
That I am, indeed, the World to someone.
MayBE I shouldn't BE saying this out loud, but I really am all that [and more] to myself.
That's what I think and feel and BElieve.
Every. Single. Day.
[although there are days when I DO get on my last nerve!!!]
So my mailbox won't BE brimming over.
No flowers will BE delivered to my door.
And I won't have to curb my eating of chocolates and other sweets.
But I will BE someone's Valentine.
I will BE Mine.
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
Sunday, February 9, 2014
It is NOT my best thing, NOT by a long shot, following directions.
I like making it up as I go along.
I like the spontaneity and magic that is BEing creative, DOing my own thing.
[and that BUT, by the way, is NOT meant to negate all I have said]
Sometimes the Very Best Next Right Thing is to follow those directions.
I have been discovering this truth on pretty much a daily basis.
While I CAN and I DO often wing it, sometimes the directions just feel good.
They give a context and a container to the unwieldiness of Life.
They let my busy brain rest and seek a peaceful stream to nap BEside.
I'll probably always fight DOing Life by the instructions, BUT...
[and that BUT is also NOT meant to negate all I have said]
I'll probably come to appreciate having the choice more than I have so far.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Photo Art Friday is a grand reason to celebrate Thursday.
Bonnie gives us a theme, which suggests possibilities, and having participated in this JOYous undertaking for a couple of years Now, I'm finding that encouragement daily wiggling into my Digital Fiddlings.
This month the theme is graphic/geometric/angular. A pretty glorious playground I'd say.
So, what have I come up with?!
I don't know exactly what I did to get here, but I have a fairly good idea. I started with a photo from 2009, of a building in downtown Phoenix. I was fascinated with it then and my memory was jogged when I sat down to write this post.
I added PDPA Forest Texture, one of my favourites from Bonnie. And then I just had at it in Pixlr Express. I added the words BEcause I am a word person, what can I say?! It just seemed to beckon me to remember, always look up.
Once more I reached back into 2009 photos. I was a busy girl with my camera that year. This wall was so fascinating. It had crazy tiles going this way and that and the effect was mesmerising and daring.
Again, I added a couple of PDPA textures although exactly which ones I canNOT tell you as I had several I tried out BEfore settling on the 2 or 3 I ended up keeping. I could have looked at this wall for hours. Its colour and whimsy deLIGHTed me and still DO.
It's funny, since moving back to Arizona, I've yet to go to downtown Phoenix. I suppose that's largely BEcause I am having such an adventure exploring my new neighbourhood and all the walks Gracie and I take. There is such a mix and change of scenery in the breadth of one block, sometimes even less.
I will get myself back downtown one day though. It will BE good to see what has changed and mayBE find this building and that wall again. I have changed since last we met. I wonder if they have, too?!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
I read this in a daily email I receive:
Any feeling can be expressed in respectful or disrespectful ways.Anger is one of the most difficult to express respectfully. Everyone feels frustrated and angry at times. The crucial thing to learn is how to be angry and still be respectful - how to deal with our impatience without blame or put-downs. [52 Weeks of Conscious Contact © 2003 by Melody Beattie.]
I was tempted to dismiss it as it seemed, initially, to BE aimed toward couples. But I know better than to DO that Now. I have been receiving this daily email for 8 years. I canNOT think of one time I did NOT learn from it.
So, while I have titled this post as a question, a HUH?! of sorts, I really DO think that one of the things I want most to expand in myself is HOW I go about disagreeing respectfully.
It is NOT about BEing angry, although that is something I find creeping up on me more and more lately, but really about disagreeing, seeing things in a different way, seeing things differently and having another person try to sway me their way. This is what I grapple with. Oftentimes NOT so delicately...
It is easy to blame and slough off responsibility onto others. It is also easy to judge someone for their perspective if it is NOT one I share.
On the other hand, what is perhaps hardest of all is loving someone, dearly
and deeply, and then discovering that they hold thoughts and opinions and ideals in ways I DO NOT.
Actually, what is more challenging is when I realise that my own thoughts and opinions and ideals are seen as inferior by someone I love. Someone who loves me.
I grew up with people who used put-downs and sarcasm regulary. Daily I heard them ridicule me. And so I learned to keep myself hidden and apart. I learned to cover my anger with secrecy. And I learned that feeling and BEing ashamed was just the cost of DOing Life with some people.
Even people I loved. People who loved me.
I will BE thinking on this for some time to come. I will pay attention to the times I slip into judging someone's different opinion and see, am I BEing respectful of this person or am I BEing disrespectful, even in my thoughts?!
This is how I learn. How I grow. And how I change.
How about YOU?! Where does this notion meet you today?!
Sunday, February 2, 2014
I may never have thought that wondering took courage.
I may have thought wondering is just a more polite term for saying my mind was elsewhere.
Or that it was more about BEing daydreamy instead of focused.
But that is changing.
And it comes to me from the inspirations I have all round me.
It comes from others' writing.
It comes from reading things that I don't consider BEing sources of inspiration.
But here is what I know.
It is a courageous thing to wonder what might BE wrong with my perspective.
It takes courage to back up and start again, without BEing sure of myself.
It asks nothing less than courage to stand in my BEliefs which are NOT yours or theirs.
Courage means daring to consider that I am the problem I am wanting to BE solved.
Now, on the face of it, those things aren't really such Big Deals.
We're none of us "perfect" or always "right."
Life is a lot about re-starts and new BEginnings, often in humbling ways.
People often don't agree about things, but they still get along, still manage to BE kind and pleasant.
And most of the time, if I am honest, my problems are self-inflicted and "all about ME."
Still, this Courage To Wonder is a remarkable gift of BEing Human.
Like telling the truth, like BEing willing to hear the truth.
I might prefer the quieter ways of BEing a dog, for instance, but even that takes courage to wonder about, y'know what I mean?!