Friday, January 31, 2014

Life's Leanings #31 This Is A Simpler Way To Live

I can BE a very complicated mess.


But I am learning that when I AM I have chosen to BE.

BEsides BEing humbling, this is a magic key.

If every day I remember that is all I ever have, I can BE very simple.

And so Life can BE simpler.

Well, my Life anyway...

So much energy is spent trying to repair my Past.

And yet more energy is spent trying to manage my Future.

But Right Here and Right Now, that's where everything meets.

And for me, knowing this, and living by it is A Simpler Way To Live.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Life's Leanings #30 Don't BE Swept Away

It is all too easy for me to lose myself and BE swept away.

In reaction.

In "self-defense" which is more correctly ego-defense.

I want NOT to react but inside, where you can't see it on the outside, I DO.

I am NOT very Zen sometimes.

I am edgy and sharp and tender.

I am so easily wounded though I canNOT "show" you How.

So I am simply aiming to NOT BE swept away.

To make room and space and NOT confine Life to my "rules."

I don't think this is going to BE graceful.

Still, it's going to BE.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Life's Leanings #29 Cherish Moments

The World is a pretty fast-paced place.

So much happens in a blink, and it seems, well, normal.

I grew up in this sea of Changing Pace, and I adapted with and to it.

Still, there are sometimes moments of just such sweetness.

These are NOT few and far BEtween moments either.

They are rather everyday and often even ordinary.

The person who answers your call after you have been on hold for awhile.

The cashier in the market who is curious about something you're buying.

It is these small blinks that often are the moments I remember.

Long after they happened.

And the speedy hurry-hurry times fade like a blur.

Although to reflect on all of this month it may seem I am up to a LOT...

Really, I am simply savouring the moments.

That's definitely DO-able.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Life's Leanings #28 DO The Right Thing

Sometimes I would say The NEXT Right Thing, but there I go digressing already!!!

I've noticed myself holding back, what sometimes looks like holding out.

It's silly, really, that I DO this.

I am NOT fooling anyone, least of all myself.

So this year I am trying something new to me.

I am DOing the Right Thing.

Even if I would rather react and get snarky, I am DOing the Right Thing.

And interestingly enough, the Right Thing is often BEing Kind.

Or BEing Quiet.

Or BEing someone who listens without judging. [or commenting]

DOing the Right Thing is an expression I am making tangible.

It's often NOT a big deal.

And that's fine.

No BIG DEALS required when DOing the Right Thing.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Life's Leanings #27 Follow Through

I've been a master at starting.

And at volunteering to DO this, that, or the other.

What I haven't really delved into so much is finishing.

Following through.

Commitments are good things.

Following through feels amazing.

Just showing up where I said I would and when dazzles me.

That is really NOT a huge thing I am discovering.

Following through.

And it is way better than all the excuses I ever made.

I'll BE leaning into my follow-through this year.

A LOT more.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Life's Leanings #26 Look For Similarities

There are many things that are difficult.

Times come for everyone that feel too enormous and heavy.

When something comes easily, it's often dismissed.

The challenges we rise to are more attention-grabbing.

But there is a problem in this logic and sequence.

The problem is that we think we alone are walking through things.

And we are.

But we also are NOT.

Every morning when I read others' sharing I am reminded of this.

Over and over and over again.

We are NOT so different, You & I, I think.

WOW!!! I often say in reply, conveying my Gratitude and utter amazement.

It can BE a habit to see our uniquenesses.

Our differentness.

Let it also BEcome a habit, I say, to Look For Similarities.

For the "me, too" moments that bind us BEautimously to one another.

I am leaning into this idea this year.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Life's Leanings #25 Understand

How hard is that, really?!


Whether there is an explanation or any reason given.


Just try that today.


And even tomorrow, and the days after that.


Friday, January 24, 2014

Life's Leanings #24 Respect Is To Give NOT Get

I'll BE honest, I did NOT always understand what Respect is. I mean I could define it. I suppose I could pay it, but it really flew under my radar undetected. For the most part.

I still understand it only a little. There is far more I don't know about it than what I DO know. But there is one thing I am sure of:

Respect is something I Give; it is NOT something I Get.

I think this is why I have misunderstood it so much. I was told someone or something deserved my respect, but that really didn't make much sense. I could say the right words and act the part of BEing respectful, but until I discovered what respect really feels like, deep in my bones, I couldn't wholly give it.

I canNOT BEgin to explain when and where and how I learned about respect BEcause, like my dreams, when I try to colour and paint it with words it all sort of disappears and turns to dust. Dust that doesn't stick. Like snow that has melted BEfore it touches the ground.

Recently I felt deeply disrespected. [I felt an inner urge to point it out and wag my finger in someone's face about it, too; understand my dilemma with this one?!]

The thing that "saved" me was realising that the respect I felt was lacking was my own. Respecting myself, giving myself respect, THAT was the missing link to this puzzler.

As I near the end of my annual two-month reflect and project process, I am leaning harder into the things that encourage, strengthen, and lift me. Life can BE a challenge. I need all the encouragement, strength, and lifting up I can find.

I am glad I am NOT afraid to shine some light in the darker places of myself. I am relieved, too, that sometimes just that willingness to shine my light there can make all the difference.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Life's Leanings #23 Focus on Solutions

I am changing. 

Little bit by slow bit and one day at a time. 

Sometimes it is deliberate. 

Others NOT so much.

And then there are the like swimming up a waterfall changes.

Ever since moving into the Wee Casa, I have been seeing the half-empty.

I have judged and critiqued and, well, judged and critiqued...

The other day, quite by "accident," I drew a line in the sand for myself.

Instead of seeing the problems I am looking for solutions.

Not THE solutions, just solutions.

It is having a remarkable trickle-down effect on my entire outlook.

While if may have been nice to know this BEfore, I'm glad I DO Now.

It sure makes it a whole lot easier walking round in my own skin...

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Life's Leanings #22 Crisis or Opportunity?!

I realise that Life has two sides [and likely more] to everything. What I don't often remember is that I am the one choosing which side I'll take.

There are things in the every single dayness of my Life and in my World that somehow I always react to with judgment and criticism. I'd rather NOT say that out loud, but there it is for all the World anyway.

It isn't an easy thing to acknowledge that I prefer BEing in the critic's corner and passing judgment willy-nilly, but I canNOT deny it. There I am, yes, Right There, and don't I look silly?!

Well... let me just say that sometimes the other people in our lives are definitely meant to BE our teachers. And I have been taught this lesson well, lately:


Is dog poop on the sidewalk an opportunity or is it a crisis?!

How about cigarette butts and crushed up packs overflowing?!

A flosser thing in the driveway?! 

A crumpled up bag on the rocks?!

This is just small stuff, I will grant you, but it can make a BIG difference if I am asleep at the switch of my brain.

I am going to find OPPORTUNITY in things and use CRISES as launching pads.

Just saying...

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Life's Leanings #21 Listen to Your Heart

Moments ago, making a cup of tea, I had a thought zing through my birdbrain:

Ask Yourself This When You Feel That...

Cryptic or NOT, it was clearly an indication that my confusion has been heard.

My heart, or whatever I choose to label it, had spoken.

Since moving, I have found myself in confusion pretty much daily.

And, while I can understand it, the dailiness is NOT what I want for myself.

So Now I have a way to Help Myself.

I know it was Always and Already There BEfore.

It's just that Now I am listening intentionally.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Life's Leanings #20 Build Bridges

It is always easy to disagree.

It is never fun to BE disagreed with.

But sometimes my always and nevers get cornfuzzled.

And then I realise: Ahhhhhhh... bridge-building time.

I'm the sort of person who ALWAYS returns my shopping cart.

Or holds a door. Even for a line of folks.

But I am rarely keen on BEing disagreeable, whichever side of it I am on.

So I am making it a priority this year to build bridges.

To stay open to other perspectives and possibilities.

Rightness and Wrongness are no longer sitting at my table.

Just ME, opening and connecting and building bridges.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Life's Leanings #19 Carry Your Own Lifeline

It never occurred to me that BEing independent, as in dependent on no one other person [or persons] would feel so good.

I excused my dependencies in myriad ways [and bought each and every one, hook, line, and sinker]. 

And then the "Financial Support for Currie" plug got pulled. 

I wasn't expecting it but I knew enough to know it was a possibility.

Yet I never saw what it was costing ME until a good while AFTER that plug was yanked out of the wall.

I felt I must give reason after reason and get agreement and approval from whomever was providing financial support.

I was well into my mid-fifties and still feeling I needed permission to BE.

Then there was the whole way I didn't really know what was REALLY essential for me to live my Life.

Sadly, I really did NOT know how much I had simply ALWAYS taken for granted.

I live much more simply, sparely, and JOYfully Now.

I am carrying my own Lifeline.

I answer Now to ME, no one else, and oh my who knew that could feel so good?!

NOT that I didn't appreciate the support when I had it, just that I really didn't appreciate it until I had only myself to "pitch" my ideas to.

I had a nice Life and I am grateful, no question, to parents, spouse, partner, and even my son for the help they have given, but thank you even more for saying NO...

I can lean deeply into this Lifeline Now. 


Saturday, January 18, 2014

Life's Leaning #18 Fall In Love With What Already Is

There are few things I BElieve to BE quite so simple and perfect as this idea.

Imagine it.


CAN you DO it?!

Sometimes I canNOT. 

Sometimes I DO NOT want to DO it, even if I CAN DO it.

But this is one of the great secrets in Life.

Falling in love with what already is is how we create a Life that we love.

MayBE what is is NOT all that; still, try to fall in love with it.

Who knows, you might find out you've overlooked something extraordinary.

Just try.

And try again.

Yes, you've got it!!

Friday, January 17, 2014

Life's Leanings #17 Try Something New

That seems on the face of it rather easy, but here's the thing. I sometimes BElieve that I canNOT DO a thing any way other than I have always DONE it.

Still, the past few days have taught me that if I'll try something a little different than what I tried BEfore, what I DID BEfore, I just might find things change. Easily.

For me, Pain is one of those things I get really reluctant, even downright resistant to trying to manage in another way. 

And yet... guess what?! I am trying little things that I have NOT done BEfore and so this experience is different.

It is rather simple. And yet it does NOT come simply. It hides and camouflages itself. It has me convinced that I canNOT change what I have always done BEcause What If????!!

So it's only a little thing. Only a minor tweak. And I am NOT sure, yet, if it's better or NOT, but it is different. And different is often enough.

Try something new. BE ready to BE amazed.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Life's Leanings #16 Let Go of Finishing

I love that I can just sit here in my Wee Casa and enJOY the wisdom, occasional nonsense, and myriad writing gifts of others. People I'll likely NEVER meet in person yet feel a connection with BEyond what I can wrap words round.

So here again, today, I am borrowing inspiration from the wonderful good stuff in my Feedly. 

I was reading about what happens when OVERWHELM starts to rear its ugly little paws and snatch away the moments. It was mighty resonant. I have often FELT overwhelmed, yet this morning I realised that I am, well, YES, I am making that choice.

One of the brilliant suggestions was to Let Go of Finishing. I thought about that as Gracie and I wandered round our wee walk this morning. 

Finishing. BEing Done. Completion. These are wonderful things and also they can and DO really mess with my mind if I am overly focused on them.

I have been a bit nostalgic for some of 2013's remarkable and fun adventures. I have wanted to dig into "finishing" one yet I noticed my reluctance was driving the bus.

Oh well...

So, yesterday I did Something. I did it by a "deadline." And I did it the best I could. It was NOT a finishable project anyway. But that little action helped the overwhelm to tuck itself away.

I am going to think on this idea more. NOT finishing. NOT having unkind and arbitrary rules running me.

I went back and reread what I wrote yesterday. It was in no way a finished or complete assessment. It was a slice of JOY and Enough.

Anyway, I also know that no one is going to holler and shout YAY!!! if I cross some frivolous "finish line." That's all happening up in my brain and y'know, I don't think it's all that anyway.

So this year I am leaning into Letting Go of Finishing. Allowing Life to breathe and BE.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Life's Leanings #15 Fix My Thoughts

I am one of those people who has finally stopped trying to fix other people. 

[Although, if I am honest, sometimes I DO have reams of brain-paper ideas for someone else's improvement.]

I am one of those people who has been waiting to get to the place where I am okay with ME and NOT constantly focused on what is WRONG with me that I feel needs to BE fixed.

As I read through my Feedly of the past couple days this morning I came upon a couple of great posts by people I admire and both of them seemed to give me the seed for today's post.

What I realise Today that I may NOT have known to BE true for me BEfore Right Now is that I Have and AM Enough. 

And yes, I know my word for 2013 was Enough, but this is something altogether else.

I no longer have WANTS and I am really clear that my NEEDS are pretty basic.

I might live in a World which has things [toys] that I think I might like HAVING, but I also live in a person who knows that HAVING only feeds the WANTER inside me.

I may wish I could "afford" to play and DO something, or several somethings, but I KNOW that I don't NEED those things to BE Happy Right Now.

While I am NOT someone who quotes Bible stuff, I know good words when I read them:
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Philippians 4:8
As this new year continues unfolding itself, I am "fixing my thoughts" ON those things that are essential and meaningful to ME; NOT those things I want or canNOT afford to pay for Right Now, but on the What Is and especially on the what I may have overlooked in my fix-it mode. 

I am extraordinarily rich in those resources that help me bend my brain in the right-for-me Right Now direction.

Many thanks to those who share their writing with those, like me, who are reading...

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Life's Leanings #14 Don't Give Up

Life CAN BE difficult.

It can get ugly.

It can feel like swimming up a waterfall with weights on your ankles.

It can even seem to BE saying: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!!

Even still, DON'T GIVE UP.

I used to hear about waiting around until the miracle happens.

And I used to think that my miracles were NOT on the Miracle List.

I have given in and given up.

I have made bad choices when I was in bad predicaments.

And yet...

Somehow waking up this morning I felt: EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!

Nothing special on my plate or my mind.

Just BEing.

So whether there is something or nothing, I figure I won't Give Up again...

Monday, January 13, 2014

Life's Leanings #13 Better Enough

I canNOT BE 100% sure of this, I only KNOW it is true:

Better is Better Enough.

Sure, I would expect to BE better at many things by this stage of Life, but I seem ALWAYS and Nevertheless to BE striving for BETTER.

"MORE BETTER" as I recall saying as a little girl.

I love this day. I love what I get to DO and BE in it. 

I remember years, 10, 20, even 30 years ago. Wanting. Feeling inadequate.

'NOT ENOUGH" as I recall thinking as a younger woman.

Now I know that Life is just like this. MayBE it is just for me, mayBE it just is.

What I am BETTER at Right Now is Better Enough.

Whatever I am striving for, wherever I feel I come up short, it's still Better Enough.

Spending time around people far older than I, I can see how this is a healthy philosophy for aging.

Even though one's World can BEcome much smaller and less independent, one still lives and breathes and engages meaningfully in Life.

Sometimes I think BEing older gives me permission to STOP my striving and settle in comfortably.

And to a large extent, larger than I really thought, that IS true for me.

And what is also true is that I still strive. It only "looks" different on the outside. And sometimes feels different, too, on the inside.

I recently read this: Next year I'm going to be better, but today I am the best I can be. I don't know who to attribute it to and yet I am less concerned with DOing an attribution anyway.

Some of the things I thought were essential I Now choose to NOT label thus. They are preferences but NOT essentials.

Though it is only just 13 days into this new year, 2014, I am leaning into the Better Enoughness of Life and of myself.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Life's Leanings #12 Some Missions Are Meant To BE Impossible

Sometimes I BEcome aware of something that seems like it was something I already knew, but I am only just really "getting it" in the part of my brain that "gets" stuff.

Sometimes things appear in Life that are NOT meant to BE altered or "fixed" or even made over, just a little bit.

Sometimes Life is just going to BE Life and that's the end of the story.

Sometimes this is going to frustrate me, GREATLY, and that's just going to have to BE fine.

One of these things is imagining I can change what has happened. Change what I did or said or didn't DO or didn't say.


Clocks only imagine they are "turned back" when we re-set them. The truth is that Time goes on, and even something like Daylight Savings Time is all up in our heads...

This is a helpful realisation, even if it is a little frustrating.

Sometimes I CANNOT DO what I CANNOT DO BEcause it CANNOT BE done.

Got to love when it knocks me right upside the head like that.

Mmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmm...

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Life's Leanings #11 The Opportunity To Respond

Sometimes I forget that I live in the World. 

Somewhere I am FREE to respond to circumstance or situation. 

Sometimes I think Life is drudgery. 

Have-to. All that...

Yesterday provided me with an opportunity to respond.

One I wasn't expecting.

One I canNOT fully wrap my head round yet.

This is how Life is though.

Every single day.

And moment.

It is always there with opportunities to respond.

I'm leaning into that and oh is it sweet!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Life's Leanings #10 Right For Right Now

I've been alternating BEtween working on and avoiding a thing. Since midway through November. Since I finally had a mailbox and address here.

Yesterday I took it in hand a little more fervently. 

With intention. Without resentment. 

I still got stuck in that place where I'd stopped BEfore, but this time I took some more deliberate action to move what's blocking things.

I think.

Could BE that when I look back on yesterday once this is all sorted out, I will see that I wasn't so All-In as I am making myself out to BE.

Oh well.

I used to BE a very driven and DO IT NOW sort of person when I moved. Which I did a LOT. Have done a LOT in my Life. And yet Now I am more relaxed. I enJOY the process of moving IN and making my HOME more.

There was a time, actually many times, but I digress, where I HAD TO HAVE things DONE BEfore I would draw a happy breath and BE glad of having a new place to call HOME.

That was pretty unpleasant. And worse, it was NOT just ME alone moving. 

What I DO Now in my Life, pretty much from the moment my eyes open in the pre-dawn darkness of my mornings, is remember Right Now is all that I have. 

And that makes it better somehow.

DOing what is Right for Right Now has BEcome my M.O.

As well, DOing what I CAN for Right Now.

I canNOT make systems and companies and most anything BEyond my own attitude change.

I would DO well to remember this as this year unfolds itself. 

Right For Right Now.


Thursday, January 9, 2014

Life's Leanings #9 Thinking About Thinking

I am a thinker. I think a LOT. And a lot of that LOT is rubbish. 

I also have a tendency to BElieve what I think. 

Much too easily. NOT a good way to play.

I read an email this morning from Courtney Carver. She is brilliant. She has helped me to gently yet firmly THINK about what I am THINKING.

I have been thinking that this is the year, that actually NOW is the Time for me to BE thinking more quietly. 

And to think more of my own thoughts rather than looking for others' corroboration or validation.

I have been thinking that I don't spend enough time really LISTENING to what I am thinking. 

And I think a HUGE reason for this is that I am often thinking what I will SAY instead of noticing where my thought process has gone wandering.

I was in a Very Foul Mood the other day. 

I felt all at loose ends and like I was just fragile. 

I had NOT realised that I was quick, much TOO quick, to BElieve that what I was thinking was so.

Courtney's email shifted that this morning. 

As did sleeping on that foul mood and then spending a day DOing other things, and sleeping on it all again. 

Forgetting it, essentially.

This is what I am leaning into Now. 

The rough edges of myself. 

Sanding myself you might say...