Where did you spend your money through this year? [Author: Kaileen Elise]
2012 is totally blowing the doors off the barn for me around money.
I never really grasped my living on a "fixed income." Now I DO.
When what comes in is fixed what goes out must get "fixed" as well.
Unless it doesn't.
Unless my blinders are so good that...
It’s been humbling to realise I’ve never done without anything, materially speaking, EVER.
I've worried about money but I've NEVER EVER done without what is necessary. [and then some]
I have changed my perspectives on "necessary" and "DOing without" and most of all...
Enough means something so entirely different Now that I can no longer go blank when spending my resources.
That’s been another huge revelation:
When what comes in and goes out is NOT meeting my needs, I have learned to draw upon my other resources.
And to re-examine my definition of “need.”
Two Decembers ago my ex wanted to stop helping me with her generous financial support. When she finally pulled the plug in September of 2011, she wrote that I have “other resources.”
I so did NOT get that.
What I’ve learned in 2012 is that I DO have other resources, just NOT the sort I thought.
I’m working with Vocational Rehabilitation and Social Security in the Ticket-to-Work Program. I don't have a job yet, but 2012 has been remarkably generous in its revelations about me, working, and money.
In April I sold my car to eliminate the ongoing expenses of a motor vehicle.
I started walking.
Learned to use the bus.
Noticed that I was having fun seeing I long I could make the money from selling GraceLand last.
I think my ex was right. I DO have other resources.
Yes, I was too afraid to face that truth.
And YES, I would have been happy to have her continued financial support. Or someone else’s.
I got Here, on the other side of her NO MORE.
Resources I have discovered in 2012 are walking, saying NO, lovingly, to my frequent “I wants”, and working with what I have without feeling entitled to “MORE.”
Turns out I DO have other resources, more than just these, which I'd never have realised had it NOT been for her simply saying...
I’ve lost over 25 pounds. All of my clothes are too big, and I've given 90% of them away.
I’m eating better, differently, and less.
I’m learning to break things down, set money aside for upcoming essentials, and sometimes postpone them.
I’ve given up things I thought essential and come away with so much “more.”
Money seems a remarkably wondrous thing. Now.
I’d never have imagined.