Tuesday, December 11, 2012

11 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection

Where did you spend your money through this year? [Author: Kaileen Elise]


2012 is totally blowing the doors off the barn for me around money.

I never really grasped my living on a "fixed income." Now I DO.

When what comes in is fixed what goes out must get "fixed" as well.

Unless it doesn't.

Unless my blinders are so good that...

It’s been humbling to realise I’ve never done without anything, materially speaking, EVER.

I've worried about money but I've NEVER EVER done without what is necessary. [and then some]

I have changed my perspectives on "necessary" and "DOing without" and most of all...

ENOUGH

Enough means something so entirely different Now that I can no longer go blank when spending my resources.

That’s been another huge revelation:

RESOURCES

When what comes in and goes out is NOT meeting my needs, I have learned to draw upon my other resources.

And to re-examine my definition of “need.”

Two Decembers ago my ex wanted to stop helping me with her generous financial support. When she finally pulled the plug in September of 2011, she wrote that I have “other resources.”

I so did NOT get that.

What I’ve learned in 2012 is that I DO have other resources, just NOT the sort I thought.

I’m working with Vocational Rehabilitation and Social Security in the Ticket-to-Work Program. I don't have a job yet, but 2012 has been remarkably generous in its revelations about me, working, and money.

In April I sold my car to eliminate the ongoing expenses of a motor vehicle.

I started walking.

Learned to use the bus.

Noticed that I was having fun seeing I long I could make the money from selling GraceLand last.

I think my ex was right. I DO have other resources.

Yes, I was too afraid to face that truth.

And YES, I would have been happy to have her continued financial support. Or someone else’s.

Until...

I got Here, on the other side of her NO MORE.

Resources I have discovered in 2012 are walking, saying NO, lovingly, to my frequent “I wants”,  and working with what I have without feeling entitled to “MORE.”

Turns out I DO have other resources, more than just these, which I'd never have realised had it NOT been for her simply saying...

NO. More.

I’ve lost over 25 pounds. All of my clothes are too big, and I've given 90% of them away.

I’m eating better, differently, and less.

I’m learning to break things down, set money aside for upcoming essentials, and sometimes postpone them.

I’ve given up things I thought essential and come away with so much “more.”

Money seems a remarkably wondrous thing. Now.

I’d never have imagined.

NOT Ever.


5 comments:

Terrie Purkey said...

You're amazing. As I'm coming to know you and bits of your life story, it sounds like you've had an amazingly difficult yet transformative year. I don't know that I would have handled it with such grace and optimism and positive energy.

This series of reflective posts is probably hard to write sometimes, but I'm finding I learn a little bit more about you each time and find you such a positive influence. I'll write a little more privately but wanted to totally let you know that I'm reading and appreciating you.

Carol said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Danielle said...

Having just quit my dream job to pursue something different...I am definitely having to learn a different perspective about 'money', needs and wants. I really like the honesty in this post, as always.

Rita said...

The majority of my money is spent on bills and food. Whatever I have left after that I buy what is needed. And then whatever I have left after all of that I have usually bought art and craft supplies. A lot more art supplies than craft supplies this past year. My big items this past year were a bookcase and a wall shelf unit. Love them!!

Since I am basically housebound I don't need money for clothes or transportation or the like very often at all. My DIL cuts my hair. I guess I live a minimalist life, really. Very happy, too. :)

You have been through a year of change. Sounds like it has been good, though. Congrats!! :)

momphotographer said...

In here we mostly buy what we need, not what we want. If we want something we need to think about it first, then see how we can get it without hurting our monthly budget. I am a little tired of it and wish to have a bit more, but then I know that while having "a bit" more I would want "a bit" more... so on...
Instead of buying new clothes I asked my parents to mail me a package with my old clothes. I haven't wore them for more than 5 years. It motivates me to get into shape as some of them are too small, but most of them fit perfectly. I find a bright side to this situation as those clothes are unique and not anything like the garbage that is sold in stores these days :)

I wish you a good luck in finding a good job in 2013! - that's for sure!