Friday, December 14, 2012

14 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection


Where did you feel most relaxed? Do you have a special space?
[Author: Lee]





It’s a strange prompt, in a way, yet provocative and inspired, too. When I think of BEing relaxed, or what relaxes me, I realise that my Life is relaxing.

NOT BEcause I haven’t any cares, nor due to some wondrous “Zen-ness” outlook on Life. No, I am relaxed in my Life BEcause I have been deliberate and intentional about creating a Life that fits and suits and even cherishes me.

That’s a weird way of saying that I no longer ride herd or jump up and down on my own back. It’s a reflex, and I slip sometimes still, yet I quickly catch myself.

Mostly.

I notice. I listen. I pay attention. I see when my thoughts go straying down a tricky and rocky terrain.

I stop. I pause. I wait. And I breathe.

This is how I cherish myself.

As I realise this I have new clarity about Life BEfore. My Life BEfore.

I was often unkind, impatient, and downright nasty. To myself. With others.

I know I learned to DO this so I could stay ahead of those whose intent always seemed to BE to treat me as less than. I figured if I were already riding herd on my own back, they’d have trouble getting a foothold and DOing the same.

It doesn’t work to live Life reacting to what’s mayBE up round the next bend. It makes Life anything BUT relaxing. It is hurtful.

Building a Life for myself here wasn’t really what I wanted to DO. I wanted to seem to BE DOing this as a means to an end. Reflecting on that it is abundantly clear why my first year here was so tense and the next couple a kind of slip-and-slide.

Just this morning, taking Gracie to Barkingham Palace for her quarterly Spa Day, I was thinking about all that I could DO today with the day. [I usually clean the Wee Cottage on these days so she does NOT have to deal with the vacuum noise and me moving things about.]

I realised that I could just BE in the day. BE quiet. BE Present. BE home and in out of the rainy coldness out there.

Odd as it sounds, that would NEVER EVER have occurred to me BEfore this year.

Rush-rush-rushing-rushing at a zillion miles an hour Getting Things DONE is NOT my idea of relaxing but my history tells another story entirely.

I BElieve I am most relaxed when I am Present with myself, wherever that is and whatever might BE going on.

When I Let Go of BEing a human reflexive habit.

And when I simply breathe in and open up to Life.

1 comment:

Terrie Purkey said...

How to relax is an interesting question. What it means to relax...different for each of us. My hubby & I relax SO differently and even after 33+ years of marriage we find it difficult to acknowledge that the other's way is perfectly valid (not irritating!).

I'm not a terribly introspective person and reading your posts this week has been an interesting excursion for me too as I reflect (briefly) on each of the words and how I'd interpret them in my life. As you're probably finding, some of them resonate more than others, but each makes you think a bit about your life. What I admire most about your story - you continue to move forward in ways that make your life better, more authentic to what you envision for yourself. Good for you!