Many times people have asked why I capitalise certain words or letters in a word. I have given satisfactory answers to them, I think, but I have been thinking about it more lately.
I think I DO this largely BEcause it is how I reach out to others. I sometimes spell BE be when I am writing to someone who I wouldn't expect to "get me" but that, I think is very telling.
With some, and that would include anyone reading me here or on my other blogs, people, generally, to whom I send emails or even real mail, and always myself, in my writing practise, I don't worry nor care. I already feel that you, they, and I "get me" and so I just operate as though there were nothing at all strange about my spellings and wordings.
This morning I read an interesting letter that the poet, Ted Hughes, wrote to his son. It was indeed a "dense" read, yet worthy of the time it asked of me to read it. I enJOY reading the running along unconcerned with paragraphing and punctuating sometimes, like a marathon runner likes a good sprint Now and Then.
There was so much juice in that essay/letter. It really made me sit up and blink more than a few times. To recognise oneself in another's words is unnerving and exhilarating. I read it again. And then once more. I'll go back to it. I'll likely print it out, too, and sit with the words on paper. Sometimes I need that sense of touch. Sometimes NOT, but sometimes, YES, I need it.
These are all things that fall into BEing "Heart-FULL" for me. When I write it that way, it is like I am meeting your eyes. You "get it" that Heart-FULL is somewhere BEyond where we all are most comfortable going. But together, for me with YOU, anyway, it is NOT scary in the least.
At the letter's end, Hughes writes:
And the only thing people regret is that they didn’t live boldly enough, that they didn’t invest enough heart, didn’t love enough. Nothing else really counts at all.This is something I am stirring inside as 2013 winds itself down. Investing my heart, loving, and taking the chance that I won't BE understood, that people won't "get me."
It doesn't really matter, I'm discovering, what other people think of me [or that they think of me at all]. All that "counts" is that I BE Heart-FULL and open to the possibility of really loving Life in the moments I'm given.