My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you.… What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language...
This bit of a quote from Audre Lorde that has me thinking about some things I've dared NOT say.
And some I have.
And most of all that I don't regret any of what I HAVE said, even if it created havoc.
It is what I have been too afraid to say, that's where the stickiness starts...
That is what I see changing in me Now. As I gallop toward turning 60, I'm deLIGHTfully unafraid to say what I thinkandfeel Right Out Loud.
Sometimes I still don't.
As much as I respect my own need for language and know the benefits of speaking up, I also know the pain that words can BEstow.
Upon those we [I] love.
Or on those who love us [me].
So I walk a line, one I have drawn for myself, and I keep my heart and mind open to moving it, erasing it, or making it into a circle in some places.
I think it is this part, I was going to die, sooner or later, whether or not I had even spoken myself. that really made me sit up and take notice.
I've learned to live each day as though it were my first and my last to enJOY completely. And I no longer live my Life like it is happening inside of some sort of make-BElieve fairyland.
None of us, and certainly NOT I, am promised anything more than this moment. It is a humbling realisation yet it's also a remarkably brilliant design.
So much of what troubles me is What I Regret and What I Dread.
Neither of those falling this moment.
Nor are they part of the remarkably brilliant design.
And so I consider the idea of silence as protection...
I am challenging myself to write out loud for the 91 days, 1 April through 30 June 2013. I'm pulling questions out of hats and giving them some room to romp. If you have a question to share, please email me...
silver dot currie at gmail dot com