Artist's Play Room #51 ~ Peacock

For me, colouring, just for the sweet sake of colouring, is a Life saver. I discovered this last fall as I was rearranging my plans for DOing Kickin' Arts at  the Delray Beach Center for the Arts this school year. 

I had sort of been drawn-in to the world of Zentangle or simply doodling, and then had been printing out some of my word art words and colouring them. 

That was the AH-HAH moment.

The calming and restorative effect of colouring.

So, when I saw this theme, Peacock, for APR #51, I BEgan to think of how I wanted to approach it. 

I had all sorts of Big Ideas BEfore realising that the key for me is DOing things that are calming, enJOYable, and simply simple, especially as I continue to come back from the attack last month and find pockets where pain is NOT taking over.

This is how I came upon colouring.

I found several colouring pages via Google for peacocks. I actually have a couple of others still to try and a few I tried prior to this one.

Yet this is my choice to share with you.

What was fun was re-drawing it using Vellum and then colouring in bits and parts little by slowly.

Afterwards, in Pixlr Express, I played a bit with the scanned-in version. Here's the result of that exercise...

And another version, inverting the colours but without any further digital fiddling...

It's a simple process, yet mighty effective. Oh, and the colouring page I have used can BE found at http://imagixs.com/peacock-coloring-pages-for-kids/. There are several other versions as well.

Asking Some Questions & Exploring Some Answers

When I Know Someone Else Doesn't Know, What DO I DO About It?

The first thing I think about this question is that it really is NOT any of my business what someone else does or does NOT know.

And yet...

Sometimes there is good reason to NOT "enlighten" another about something I know they don't know. 

It is kinder.

It is thoughtier.

It is mayBE even a matter of Too Much Information in the wrong hands.

On the other hand...

When I know that someone is completely clueless, perhaps even dangerous BEcause of what he or she does NOT know, I have a whole nother pot of porcupines simmering on my stove.

And it often rests on making a judgment call, which since I try NOT to BE judgmental or to act as if I know what is "best" is really NOT someplace I want to BE, making the entire proposition much too iffy and cumbersome.

The other day I had a driver who had no idea where he was or where he was going with me in the back seat. It was NOT an experience I wish EVER to have again. And yet here I am, waiting Right Now for another driver hoping I won't have any sort of a repeat experience...

BEcause I think, in retrospect, I should have taken action in this case.

BEcause when I DID take action, after the fact, once I was on "dry land" and out of his vehicle, the process involved is one where I must complain and basically tell my version of the incident to someone who then writes it up to give someone else and if, once all this is done, that driver says it didn't happen, then I have to hold onto the experience even longer to make sure the proper action is taken.

Does anyone else see the conundrum here?!

So really, I don't know that I have an answer for this one, one that I could stand by No Matter What. In fact, I am kind of wishing I had just "looked the other way" instead of reporting the incident since at Present I am having a heck of a time generally with the whole concept of re-hashing of events...

When I KNOW someone does NOT know what I DO know...

my goodness. 

that's all I've got.

DO YOU have any ideas or thoughts on this?!

 am challenging myself to write out loud for the 91 days, 1 April through 30 June 2013. I'm pulling questions out of hats and giving them some room to romp.  If you have a question to share, please email me... silver dot currie at gmail dot com

Asking Some Questions & Exploring Some Answers

How DO I Cover-Up What I Don't Know?

I'd love to tell you I don't. 

That I am completely 100% comfy cozy with letting my ignorance and obliviousness hang on out there. 

That I am NOT buffeted by pride or any of its closest relatives.

But here's the thing... sometimes it is just too darned hard to BE someone who does NOT know BEcause I have that linked up in me as something NEVER EVER to let on about. 

EVER.

AT ALL!!!

It all started when... 

[nope, I am NOT going to go there ;~D]

I am learning that most people don't know things, too.

Imagine.

Almost 60 years on this planet and I am just NOW learning this.

Mostly I just try to BE really quiet about things and hope that I can sort it out or pick it up, but occasionally I will admit to NOT knowing and let somebody try walking me through to where I can understand.

I'm a little impatient with this sort of thing however. And sometimes that comes out as arrogance, snarkiness, sarcasm, or some rarified combination of all that and a few secret sauces I'm still dragging round from childhood.

Anyway, one of the best things I ever came to know about NOT knowing is that there are NO STUPID QUESTIONS!! 

[although I think there may BE some stupid people who maintain that I would BE completely wrong about this...]

Anyway, I'm learning to let my little light flicker when it won't shine.

I'm willing to look and even to BE foolish.

What about you?!

DO You cover-up when you don't know something?!

Does it make you get a little something-something when you're NOT in the know and wish you WERE?!

enJOY!!

I am challenging myself to write out loud for the 91 days, 1 April through 30 June 2013. I'm pulling questions out of hats and giving them some room to romp.  If you have a question to share, please email me... silver dot currie at gmail dot com

Photo Art Friday 5 April 2013 ~ Collage

I'm "staying off my brain" as my friend advised me, so this week's Photo Art Friday is a wee bit of a recycling exercise.

For the past few months I have been creating digital collages each morning for my daily Gratitude. It's given me a remarkably swift rise in self-confidence given both the early hour when I DO this and the repetition that makes it second nature.

By mid-afternoon, the entire process is too daunting, but BEfore the sun's even come up, I actually DO it in my sleep.

Well, sort of...

The above collage was made by using a texture fiddled with in Picasa plus a photo from my archives also fiddled with in Picasa plus an in-the-moment poeming [since this month is National Poetry Month I used a line from e.e. cummings as my jumping-off point] all stirred and simmered in Pixlr Express.

That's the same "recipe" I've used for these other 3 as well.

And for those who are so kind to have asked me to keep you in the loop, the MRI last Friday was a "good" one as it ruled out a whole bunch of things I'd worried about. I didn't really grasp how much I was worrying until I knew those results. thank you one and all for your kind asking and generous thoughts, prayers, good scoobah, and overall amazing wonderfulness!!

Monday saw me back in my doctor's office for hours of electric tests and readings as well vascular tests. looks like it's just a bad knock on the head that didn't DO any of the Really BAD Damage.

YAY!!

That said, I'm still dealing with the concussion and extenuating neck and back pain. I started Cervical Traction yesterday [Wednesday] which I will DO twice weekly for 6 weeks. Hopeful it will help ease this and bring me back to "normal" [or as "normal" as I ever was] BEfore too long.

some of the really yucky stuff about the whole episode is that I am really on edge ALLTHETIME and especially around dogs. Gracie and I have been walking with friends most mornings and that's been a saving grace. the afternoons are another kettle of bunny rabbits, but we're at least pointing in the direction we want to go.

TIME...

TIME...

I have learned a very disconcerting thing about homeowner's insurance in Florida, that BEing that companies can opt NOT to cover someone's dogs DOing what these 2 dogs did to Gracie and me. I am grateful I already have a neurologist I see every couple of months BEcause, well, you know, where would I BE without him and his entire staff?! I am also grateful that BEcause of my disability and that I DO see him more regularly than any doctor, all of what's going on is more accessible as in they already know where I was BEfore this happened. I know that may NOT make a lot of sense to you, but to me it is cause for great celebration and Gratitude. 

Hourly.

And Now that I know it's NOT a TBI or hemorrhage or whatever else I don't know that it might have been, I've had a chance to assess other things like why I wake up in a panic, get dragged round by a fearsome thought that buzzes me, asleep AND sometimes when wide awake, like a herd of mosquitoes dive-bombing my ears. 

[This is that part that feels so shameful. 
FEAR.
and confusion.
and NOT BEing able to make sense with words.]

So I am especially grateful for my friend who walks with me in the mornings and my front house family who keep checking on me, give me rides, bring me  ripe tomatoes from their wee garden.

And Gracie. Who just goes on loving me, nutty or cranky, tense or simply too tired to play... She is so good, so wondrously dear to me.

And for YOU and the people on my Gratitude List who are so kind, so encouraging, and so blessedly patient and understanding. Who remember to ask me how I am and take the time to send me words of encouragement.

I suppose this post is more a collage of those thoughtsandfeelings...

with great love and amazement at your generous hearts...

Asking Some Questions & Exploring Some Answers

Where DO I Feel My NOT Knowing?

I feel it deep in my heart and you know... it is okay, even wondrous, when it is NOT knowing what I am, honestly, better off NOT knowing.

On the other hand...

Some of my NOT knowing is very difficult and overwhelming.

It can suck the air right out of me.

And bring me to my knees.

Which is, I suppose, a good place to BE at such a time...

How about YOU?!

Where DO YOU feel Your NOT Knowing?!

I am challenging myself to write out loud for the 91 days, 1 April through 30 June 2013. I'm pulling questions out of hats and giving them some room to romp.  If you have a question to share, please email me... silver dot currie at gmail dot com

Asking Some Questions & Exploring Some Answers

What Are Some Things I KNOW I Don't Know?!

I don't know if I can enumerate the vastness of what I KNOW I don't know. It is so far BEyond my brain's capability to grasp. 

Which I kind of love!!!

Just saying...

There is so much to NOT know and mayBE come to know or perhaps just continue NOT knowing. 

Or to learn a bite at a time.

Slow learning.

Slow living.

Slow. Slow. Slow.

I KNOW I don't know what I am going to write when I sit down to write. I never DO. Even when I think I DO. I don't. That astonishes me all the time.

I KNOW I don't know why I am as blessed as I am, as I have been. I'm all the time trying to wrap my brain round that pack of giraffes.

I KNOW I don't know why the "bad" things that happen to me usually turn out to BE gifts that seem personally selected for by me.

I KNOW I don't know why having a disability is generally assumed to BE less than ideal when for me it has dotted my i's and crossed my t's at long last.

I KNOW I don't know how many more days I will live this Life so I intend to enJOY each one as though it were my first and my last.

I KNOW I don't know how I learned to live like that. This.

I'm just very glad I did.

What about YOU?!

What DO you KNOW you don't know and what is that like for you?!

I am challenging myself to write out loud for the 91 days, 1 April through 30 June 2013. I'm pulling questions out of hats and giving them some room to romp.  If you have a question to share, please email me... silver dot currie at gmail dot com

Asking Some Questions & Exploring Some Answers

Why Is NOT Knowing Something To BE Avoided?

Nothing is quite so uncomfortable as NOT knowing something. I mean, sometimes oblivion is a JOYous place to rest my head awhile, but BEing in the dark, outside whatever is inside, this makes me a little bit crazy-nuts.

BEcause I am someone who has a lifelong passion for learning [learning, mind you, as opposed to KNOWING] I think I regularly avoid admission of what I DO or don't know so as NOT to close my options. 

I mean, really, if I know a little or have an interest, why NOT...

I'm starting to see that NOT knowing is NO BIG DEAL after all.

Despite this realisation, I'm still avoiding NOT knowing.

Which makes me wonder about other people.

DO they [DO YOU?!] feel or thinkandfeel this way, too?!

DO you, like me, ever just nod and smile and YES your way through rather than asking someone for their backstory?!

Have you ever tried to smoosh your curiosity like 4 too many things inside a suitcase you just HAVE TO get closed?!

Does this NOT knowing take over and make you wish for magic wands and crystal balls or the opportunity to ask 20 questions?!

MayBE it is just me.

MayBE I am the crazy-nut here, but it is so SOOOOOOOOOOO hard to ask questions sometimes.

Such an expanse across the deep drop into nothing to say I'd really like to hear about what brought you Here, to this place...

It's NOT about wanting to appear smarter, slicker, or more anything. It's just that connection and conversation are so limited that I am actually afraid I will shut things off completely if I ask about what I don't know and would really REALLY like to understand.

Can you help me understand?!

I am challenging myself to write out loud for the next 91 days 1 April through 30 June 2013. I'm pulling questions out of hats and giving them some room to romp. If you have a question to share, please email me... silver dot currie at gmail dot com