8 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection

What has been your favourite book [or blog or magazine] you've read this year? (Author: Carolyn Rubenstein) 

 I would have to say that my favourite "read" of 2012 would BE:

WHATEVER I AM READING OR LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW...

This is BEcause that is how I am with reading. I love reading [and listening to audiobooks] and spend a considerable chunk of my each and every day DOing it. In fact, I have time set aside specifically FOR reading each day and for reading certain things each and every week.

I can tell you some reading I have loved especially much:

Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake by Anna Quindlen
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
Drawing Lab by Carla Sonheim

Actually, those are just 3 of way so many. It has been a great year for reading and reading recommendations BEtween A Year With Myself and following up and through with bloggers' best reads.

And speaking of bloggers and blogging, I've been adding to and trimming my Google Reader all year and keeping it just enough that I get everything read each day or couple of days, depending on other my blog-reading fun.

I made an agreement with myself to read and visit each artist in the weekly challenges I participate in. And to comment. And while this might sound like a little too much, I am fortunate to have the time to DO this. Plus, I have come to know so many amazing people all round the World in the process.

Lots of my "reading time" is walking time or waiting for and riding on the bus time. Though I am NOT the World's greatest fan of multi-tasking, I enJOY books on the bus. For me to go to the county library it is 2 hours ON the bus and about an hour of walking time unless I catch the right bus that cuts walking time to about 20 minutes...

I had accumulated a good number of books here in the Wee Cottage [despite having left BEhind a Life's long collection of books when I moved East in 2009] and as I have been clearing out, Letting Go, and simplifying Life, I gathered up my courage and cleared them just after selling my car.

I was able to trade several of them, along with a DVD or 2 and some CDs, in at Amazon and finally worked out getting a Kindle simply by letting go and NOT dipping into my $ta$h. Now I am enJOYing more books without that long bus ride by checking the Kindle books out online. It took me awhile and some financial footwork, but I am really REALLY enJOYing my little Kindle.

I really enJOY reading blogs, listening while painting to TED Talks, and playing click the link and see what happens on others' blogs. It can BEcome a Rabbit Hole, but I've learned how to Start and Stop much better!!!

Reading, ultimately, is probably my favourite thing to DO. While writing and making my art and walking, especially with Gracie, are too, reading has always let me meander in the way others tell stories, think, and to simply marvel at how they think. 

I have gone long stretches in my Life NOT reading. I'll admit, those were times of heavy tv watching and depression. It was nearly impossible to pick up anything, even though then, as I am DOing Now with the blogs in my Google Reader, I was receiving newspapers and magazines. And buying books. On a whim. [also long stretches of NOT going to the library]

My Life simply works best when I am reading. And writing. And listening. This is what I love about audiobooks especially. I can walk miles with ease or paint and let my creative whatever dance without really even "trying" while listening to a book or a speaker.

It's good to know this and its priority in my Life Now. I'm glad for this prompt. 

7 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2012 in 7 minutes. Set an alarm for 7 minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2012. (Author: Patti Digh, with an extra 2 minutes from Lee) 

I want to remember good sleep, great walks, waking up smiling for mayBE the first time ever almost every single day.

I want to remember forgiveness. Given. BEing ready to forgive even if I was still feeling sad and things were hard.

I want to remember laughter.

I want to remember seeing Jody again after over 30 years.

I want to remember reconnecting with Laurie on Project 137.

I want to remember feeling things are possible even if I have no clue HOW to make them get up and GO.

I want to remember good neighbours and then even better [dare I say THE BEST?!] neighbours in the front house.

I want to remember Timmy and the couple of hours with him here in October. 

I want to remember the people I have met here, through this very blog, and all they give and share and teach me.

I want to remember Project 137, A Year With Myself, and 366 Daze of Grace. I want to remember what it feels like walking alongside dreams that are coming true.

I want to remember teaching and graciously letting go of the opportunity to BE an artist for the Center for Creative Education.

I want to remember letting go of GraceLand and with that so much else following... The space of Hope it all revealed and is revealing.

I want to remember Sally. I want to remember my whole Life how there was a space, always, for me in hers. Even if I didn't BElieve that.

I want to remember... 

7 minutes... 8 December 2012 for Day 7 of A Month of Reflection

6 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection

If you could change one thing that happened this year, what would it be? Why? (Author: Lee) 

Although I'm someone who tries to roll with the river, I have this Very Bad Habit of trying to change the Past. 

So a prompt like this just plays into my Little Bit Crazy Currie.

And yet, I am going to give it a very quick response.

I would change 

NOT. ONE. THING. 

Truly.

All the gains, every single loss, the mistakes, my missteps, and even those ohmygodIcan'tBElieveIreallydidorsaidthat can stay. 

If anything, I'd only change my wish to change.

Anything.

Ever again.

5 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection

Who have you taken for granted? Write to them a handwritten note expressing how you truly feel about them. Then mail it. I promise, it will be the best gift they ever receive, or you ever give. (Author: Lee) 

I thought I was sure of WHO I would write this note to. 

What surprised me was realising who else I take for granted and never really acknowledge.

I have assumed there would BE time.

I have said it wasn't important.

Enough.

But I was wrong.

Life is Now. Right Now. And gone in a blink. Doesn't come back. No rewind.

So, as I thought today of worthiness and people I take for granted, it dawned on me that I needed to let ME know how I truly feel about myself.

Despite EVERYthing I've turned upside-down and knocked over, I have grown into my awkwardness. 

I have changed myself from the inside out. I am consistent in my willingness to go the distance, however far, however difficult the path. 

I listen and I care. 

I've BEcome the sort of friend to myself that I've always longed for but couldn't cultivate since I never thought I was worth anyone taking that kind of time.

While I can't write myself a note and then let myself receive it "out of the blue," I can change the way I put me LAST on my list of acknowledgements.

I can change how I think and I can stand in what I feel.

Without apology.

Without shame.

With just a wee bit of awe.

And much love.

4 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection

When were you most scared? Why? How did you respond? How do you wish  you would have responded (Author: Mary Churchill) 

 I heard this quote from Audre Lorde early in 2012:

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

Having really marinated in this, I'm BEcoming both wiser about and more comfortable with my FEAR.

FEAR is such a disabling and suffocating thing. And often [most often] it is merely a story in my brain fanning its flames like the Wizard in The Wizard of Oz...

FEAR sometimes wins. Usually when I have the crazy idea that everything is about me. I'm learning to notice this when it occurs. To look it boldly in the eye.

Sometimes I don't see it. Sometimes I run full-out into the jaws of it. 

I think that FEAR is mostly a part of me who needs attention, kindness, and care. A part that I learned to ignore BEcause others ignored it [her].

Lately I am sitting down and having tea with FEAR. Or going for a walk with it [her]. 

It's good for me to consider FEAR more deeply, yet I don't feel it is much of a factor day-to-day. Like the Wizard, I am just a person living Life, wanting to DO good, and mayBE Make a Difference.

If I am good with that, I'm good... Really.

3 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection

What is one thing you did this year you think you'll remember for the rest of your life? (Author: Lee) 

Since forgetting things is NOT something I generally DO, and BEcause I often wish my memory were NOT the workhorse it really IS, I don't need to reach far into my bag of tricks for this one.

I learned to depend on ME. 

Oh, I'd like to say I learned to Let Go, BEcause I did. Really and truly. Big things. Important and Life-changing Let Goes abounded in 2012.

But the really Big Deal & Over-the-Top Thing I did and shall NEVER forget was finding that Place people refer to as "in the end" or "at the end of the day" and who I found there was ME.

It's really a simple thing. 

[And I am fairly certain that I "should have" discovered this a long many decades ago.]  

Yet I am just tickled to have DONE so this year.

And you know what?! Depending on ME is so very different from depending on someone else BEcause I know my own heart and I hear my own thoughts. 

It's funny, realising this, BEcause in coming to this place I have discovered that what always stood BEtween me and simple happiness was me BElieving someone else held MY answers and the keys to MY point, purpose, and reason for BEing.

I'd love to have that Time back… Yet the truth?! This timing is exquisite...

2 December 2012 ~ A Month of Reflection

We often learn our limits the hard way. Were there any limits you realized this past year? Alternately, what self-imposed limits were you able to move beyond this year? (Author: Carolyn Rubenstein) 

I considered "limit" a nasty 5-letter-word. NOT anymore. My word for 2012 is Discipline. Its 10 letters seemed far nastier.

Until I BEgan to live into it. 

Discipline encourages me. Lets me BEgin, Continue, and Focus, daily, weekly, or in some other measure.

One of my limits [mayBE silly] is disciplining my writing. 

Each morning I have a series of writings that I DO. For 2 of them I write 222 words. 

That is it, that is all. NOT 223 or 221, only and exactly 222.

A completely self-imposed limit, 222 is improving my writing experience, and mayBE my writing as well. 

Another limit: living within my means. I have a fixed-income which was NOT enough for my Life.

Realising something needed to happen, the thought occurred: sell my car. I thought eliminating the expenses of owning a vehicle might "help." 

I had no idea that BEing vehicle-independent would ADD to my Life. NO CLUE!!

It would take too many words and too much space to elaborate. I can say I Now ecstatically embrace my fixed-income. Knowing my limit has given my Life a shine I'd never imagined possible.

I look forward to living ecstatically within my limits again next year. Perhaps crazy or impossible to some, for me it's turning out to BE an essential ingredient for Happiness and Inner Peace.

[p.s. I trimmed this post down from 385 to 222 words ;~D]