Friday, May 3, 2013

Now, Where Was I?!



I think I just sort of faded out with my Big Plan for writing here every day. 

I'm NOT sorry. NOT making excuses. 

I'm just saying it seems things changed...

What happened was less about NOT writing than it was about DOing something else. 

Sticking my head into other pots. 

I spent a whirlwind week clearing and Letting Go. 

Literally, an entire week. 

I'd work at it, it seemed, even while I gave in to let my bones rest at night. 

Who knew I had accumulated so much unnecessary stuff?! 

Surely NOT I...

I've been very intentional about clearing out the unnecessary, scaling back, and Letting Go for the past year and a half. 

My first BIG HUGE GIGANTIC Let Go was all the stuff I'd accumulated and purged and kept up until I moved my Life back east from Arizona in 2009. 

It was all lovingly organised and packed away in storage and, honestly, this never really looked to me like what it is/was until it did and then...

Now I understand that I was just terrified that if I Let Go of my treasured "stuff" I'd surely turn to dust.

BE really meaningless.

Forgotten.

Deleted.

Permanently.

But that is NOT what happened at all.

In fact, I was encouraged, from somewhere within myself, to keep moving in the direction I was going.

About six months after releasing all of my "stuff" from my heart and mind, if NOT from the actual storage, BEcause clearly I could NOT DO that from this distance, I Let Go of my vehicle.

6 April 2012 I said bye-bye to GraceLand, and have lived happily ever since with the only 4-wheeled vehicle I need, a cart that carries groceries, laundry, and of course those 15-pound bags of Gracie food...

Little by slowly, I have scaled back in other areas, and that week last week saw some really I CAN'T BELIEVE I REALLY LET THAT GO moments daily...

Here, a week hence, I feel a little like something blew the stink out of that space BEtween my ears where without realising I was DOing so, I was keeping mental track of the superfluous and ridiculous.

I didn't grow up thinking Less could BE More, and if you look at most of my art you'll see that I have a habit of filling up the space. 

And yet... I am changing.

I enJOY empty space. 

Unfinishedness is deLIGHTfull.

And those things I used to think having made me more real, well, let me just say it is NOT about those things at all...

And yet...

Something feels odd today. 

Off. 

Out of kilter. 

I think it is that I have largely Let Go of connection. 

Which is, I suppose, why I write. 

My connections with live and lovely human beans, even cyberly, is important.

Like air.

And water.

And laughter.

And love.

So Now I am working on that piece of Currie.

I think I might even pick up that 12-ton telephone.






3 comments:

Cat Beringer said...

love that giraffe Currie!! She's got plenty of room to move around too. :)

Kim Stevens said...

You. Are. So. Awesome! I've been wanting to purge and let go of stuff too. Sometimes when you go through periods of not having a job, like a year, and you can't buy stuff you want, but only what you need, like food and water and shelter...you learn to live without more "stuff". I sometimes find it hard to find friends who aren't so interested in the constant collection of stuff and interested in you as a person. I commend you, applaude you, and you inspire me....xo

Miriam said...

Oh words so dear to my heart. I am glad you have stopped writing. I was reading your words day after day and wanted to reply but couldn't. Then I wrote you a great long e-mail but didn't send it. Then I haven't visited for a while. But tonight I found you again and I am glad. I so agree with Kim.